One day...

...I would like to write a tell all story to spill the dirt on what it is like to work for a government department.

There are good things. Generous leave entitlements. Opportunities to work at reduced hours prior to young children starting school. Permanent part time positions. Paid holidays. Access to professional journals and libraries that wouldn't be possible working for an NGO or privately. Working with a large number of people and finding like-minded ones among the crowd.

But right now the bad things are really weighing on my mind. Never-ending negotiations with the pay office as I try to pay back the money I owe them thanks to their errors. Seeing mediocre performance and just happening to be in the right place at the right time rewarded with promotion. Bullying from those who feel threatened by new or different ideas. Short term thinking that having one person working full time is a better option than maybe creating a job share arrangement to benefit from the skills of more than one. Having to work with people in a crowded office. Shared computers. Massive amounts of time wasted on unnecessary paperwork and supervision that is not helpful in progressing my thinking and growing as a professional. Not being able to develop the skills I have because of the caseload I am allocated. A long commute to and from the office, which makes for two long days of work.

This morning my beautiful little girl cried when I left her at child care. I know by now she is happy again (they do tell me it doesn't last long) and I know she is ready to learn that there are other safe adults in her life that she can trust and seek comfort from if she is feeling sad.

But maybe that is why all the not-so-good parts of going back to work are just sitting there at the forefront of my mind right now.